Archive for the ‘Ruminations’ Category

Bullying, Violence & Healthcare Reform

Wednesday, April 14th, 2010

Another teen has killed themselves due to being the victim of bullying.

We are demonstrating right now, in this country, that bullying is not only accepted, but a powerful political tactic and defended as a “constitutional right”.  I know what I am saying may not be popular, but I am tired of it and am speaking up.  That is what we are morally obligated to do. Regardless of what our opinions are on politics, health care reform or really anything, we do not need to resort to inciting violence or referring to ‘reloading’, etc. As a nation, we have criticized other nations for resorting to violence and threats and tapping into the deepest fears of others to promote personal gains at any cost.  We demonize the “other”.  Rather than discussion, we are battling.

So, why is bullying on the rise?  Are kids just doing what is considered more acceptable if someone isn’t what they want them to be?  If kids see adults dehumanize and threaten others with violence…even when the adults are elected officials, then how are our children to understand this behavior is unacceptable?

If adults are not willing to speak up, regardless of whether it is uncomfortable and will have consequences, then how will our children know to be empowered to speak up?  Bullying is tough.  It isn’t just one person.  It takes a group…of onlookers who do nothing, and others who side with the bully because they enjoy the power, or are afraid to be on the receiving end by speaking up.

Regardless of where we are on any political or social spectrum, we need to constantly remind ourselves of the kind of world we want to live in.  We can’t expect to help lift up other countries when we are using the same fear and violence tactics in our own country.  We have to teach our children and remind ourselves that there are many opinions, many gifts in one another and that respect and finding ways to bridge those are the best way to go through life and to create a better world.

We have choices about how to use our voices.  Let’s be the best human beings that we can.  Let’s light the way for the next generation.  Let’s make bullying, intolerance and hurtful actions and speech not an option anywhere or anytime. Let’s make differences of opinions not be a barrier, but an opportunity to become a more well-rounded community and to see things differently, even if you agree to disagree.  Let’s choose to make this world a more connected and compassionate place where all of our children (and adults) can flourish and grow.

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Have we lost the BETTER in “Bigger, Better, Higher, Stronger, Faster?”

Sunday, February 14th, 2010


I love the Olympics. I have since I was a kid.  I believe in the dream that there are some things that can transcend our political differences and bring people together.  The Olympics and Para Olympics hold that promise.  Each country sends their athletically best to an arena where everyone knows and abides by the rules.  It is exciting to see the best of the best push themselves to be just a bit more.

But unfortunately, in the Olympic games of the present, competition is not just amongst the athletes.  There is another game being played out on a different level; an administrative level, with committees, countries and federations.  Canada spent over $22 million on the “Own the Podium 2010” campaign.  This was to push the idea that Canada would walk away with the most gold and other medals.

Although they mention ‘excellence’, it is very clear that the goal is to ‘win more medals than anyone else’.  More = Better.  Really?   But Canada is not alone.  They are riding the wave of ‘bigger and faster and more’ is better.  Every Olympics opening ceremony is striving to be bigger and more extravagant than the last.  Hosts are unabashed at trying to have the fastest and most difficult tracks and courses ever.

But there is a balance to be struck.  Is faster necessarily better?  Is bigger always better?  Why is more always better?  What if better is being able to be human, make mistakes and know how to adeptly compensate or correct a mistake in mid-run?

If you have a sliding track that creates “G-forces that collapse the body, rendering it difficult to control the sled”, as the investigating committee have described the Whistler bobsled & luge runs, it becomes virtually impossible to correct those mistakes.  Is that really a better track?  Or with skiing, as Lindsay Vonn put it, on the track she skied when she almost broke her back (which was fashioned like the Whistler ones in order to prepare her… sprayed with water and frozen), ‘It was like pond ice’. A host of athletes have been injured in training runs prior to the games, and are now unable to compete.  More is not necessarily better.  We need to get at the root of what this is really all about…

My solution?  Only host Olympics in nations that have virtually no chance of making it onto the podium. A country that sends their best year after year with pride and a sense of excellence and bridge building would make a gracious host indeed.  Have every nation contribute funding, according to some financial formula, to pay for the expenses.

Make sure the climate is appropriate for the games whether summer or winter.  Have experienced international sports committees oversee the development and safety of the facilities.  Have a comment period from athletes, which is taken into account and then respected.  If the best lugers in the world dubbed the turn where the recent competitor died as “50-50” in terms of whether they would be able to stay on their sled, and another competitor said she felt like ‘a lemming’ and ‘crash test dummy’, then something is wrong and the athletes saw it very clearly.  Allow equal access to all competitors, both foreign and home-based, enough of this ‘aggressively protected home court advantage.’

Maybe the tragic loss of life that cast a dark shadow on this Olympics can be eventually looked at as the beginning of making the Olympics not just safer, but better.  That would be a wonderful way to remember and honor this athlete, and to honor all athletes.

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Preventing the Disease of Discouragement

Sunday, February 7th, 2010

Discourage:
1. To deprive of confidence, hope, or spirit.
2.
To hamper by discouraging; deter.
3.
To try to prevent by expressing disapproval or raising objections.

We all get hit by hard times or get hit hard sometimes.  Sometimes we are discouraged by our own spirit and thoughts.  Sometimes, it is by the world or by others.  The economy has left many discouraged, along with other feelings.  Family circumstances, work, relationships, parenting, our health, sometimes even just trying to find enough time in the day to get things accomplished.  I think the first definition is the most appropriate and allows us to spiral into a pit of discouragement and eventually despair.

What can you do to prevent the disease of discouragement?

Find ways to feel more in control.  Even if it seems insignificant. The human spirit uses this as food which grows exponentially, and that food nourishes and replenishes hope and confidence.  And with hope and confidence you can continue to move on.

  • Remind yourself daily of 3 things that are good about your life, and 3 things that are good about you.
  • Do something good for someone else every day….let them into traffic, let them go ahead of you in line at the store, buy them a cup of coffee, leave a tip, say something nice to a co-worker or the check-out person.  It doesn’t have to be big.  Over time you will feel better as you make positive change in the world…and you regain a sense of value and hope.
  • Or… do bigger things, such as: help someone else; work at a soup kitchen; donate to a charity; help someone at a store or at your school; help clean a community park with a local organization; make someone smile.  Doing these things plants seeds of hope and reaffirms your value and abilities and renews confidence.
  • Focus on what really matters
  • Watch this short video and know you are not alone and in good company.

“A problem is a chance for you to do your best.”   Duke Ellington

“We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.”   Martin Luther King, Jr.

“I find hope in the darkest of days, and focus in the brightest. I do not judge the universe.” The Dalai Lama

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Courtesy & Common Sense

Monday, February 1st, 2010


Last week I wrote about Haiti and our need to be shocked to get involved.  I began thinking about what it takes for Americans to get involved in general; to make a difference.  My son came home from school talking about a video clip he watched at school on ABC’s “What would you do?”  We like to think of ourselves as people who would help when needed.  But as this show so poignantly points out, in the moment, we don’t always act in the way we would ultimately like or in ways that really reflect our values. Unfortunately, we judge subconsciously more than we realize. Take a moment to watch the following video:

By reflecting us as we are rather than how we would like to be or to see ourselves, this video gives us a great opportunity…an opportunity to pause and think about our connectedness to one another and to be able to easily make more compassionate choices in our everyday encounters.  By doing that, it becomes automatic to lend a hand.  No need for the shock value.  When courtesy, compassion, awareness and caring of others well-being is not considered ‘a savior’ as mentioned in this story, but as everyday common sense and decency, all of our lives are enriched.

What if this were the fabric of our society?

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Is Shock & Awe Really Necessary for a Call to Action?

Sunday, January 24th, 2010

The scenes of Haiti are haunting.  Technology has made it so we are able to know what is going on anywhere in the world instantly.  We then can have a quick response and in cases like this, the ability to saves lives.  We can be most helpful when we know what is going on.

But I want to caution people that there is a balance that is critical as well.  It is well documented that we all can suffer Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) by viewing this sort of thing too much.  It is also well documented that many people get desensitized and are no longer inspired to act.  I was very upset with the pictures of dead bodies on the cover of newspapers and in magazines.  Is this really necessary?  Maybe it’s needed for some to shake them into action, but for many of us, it creates a secondary trauma…especially for our children

We need to find a way to create hope and a sense of duty (a call to action) to help others without having to resort to shocking and traumatic images that haunt and hurt us; and eventually anesthetize us.  We seem to have created a cycle that now requires more “shock value” to get people motivated.  Can’t we find a different way?  Rather than feeling the need to hit one another over the head, let’s find a way to nourish ourselves and one another and instill a sense of duty and connection to others in good times and dark times.

If we get used to giving to others on a small scale everyday…with a kind word, a monetary or physical donation, a gift of volunteerism, etc we will all feel empowered to make a difference.  Then when the need is greater, such as in Haiti, it is a natural extension of what we are doing already.  We know the way already, we just need to drive faster and take some passengers with us.  We shouldn’t need to be traumatized to connect to the needs of others.

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