Courtesy & Common Sense

February 1st, 2010


Last week I wrote about Haiti and our need to be shocked to get involved.  I began thinking about what it takes for Americans to get involved in general; to make a difference.  My son came home from school talking about a video clip he watched at school on ABC’s “What would you do?”  We like to think of ourselves as people who would help when needed.  But as this show so poignantly points out, in the moment, we don’t always act in the way we would ultimately like or in ways that really reflect our values. Unfortunately, we judge subconsciously more than we realize. Take a moment to watch the following video:

By reflecting us as we are rather than how we would like to be or to see ourselves, this video gives us a great opportunity…an opportunity to pause and think about our connectedness to one another and to be able to easily make more compassionate choices in our everyday encounters.  By doing that, it becomes automatic to lend a hand.  No need for the shock value.  When courtesy, compassion, awareness and caring of others well-being is not considered ‘a savior’ as mentioned in this story, but as everyday common sense and decency, all of our lives are enriched.

What if this were the fabric of our society?

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Is Shock & Awe Really Necessary for a Call to Action?

January 24th, 2010

The scenes of Haiti are haunting.  Technology has made it so we are able to know what is going on anywhere in the world instantly.  We then can have a quick response and in cases like this, the ability to saves lives.  We can be most helpful when we know what is going on.

But I want to caution people that there is a balance that is critical as well.  It is well documented that we all can suffer Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) by viewing this sort of thing too much.  It is also well documented that many people get desensitized and are no longer inspired to act.  I was very upset with the pictures of dead bodies on the cover of newspapers and in magazines.  Is this really necessary?  Maybe it’s needed for some to shake them into action, but for many of us, it creates a secondary trauma…especially for our children

We need to find a way to create hope and a sense of duty (a call to action) to help others without having to resort to shocking and traumatic images that haunt and hurt us; and eventually anesthetize us.  We seem to have created a cycle that now requires more “shock value” to get people motivated.  Can’t we find a different way?  Rather than feeling the need to hit one another over the head, let’s find a way to nourish ourselves and one another and instill a sense of duty and connection to others in good times and dark times.

If we get used to giving to others on a small scale everyday…with a kind word, a monetary or physical donation, a gift of volunteerism, etc we will all feel empowered to make a difference.  Then when the need is greater, such as in Haiti, it is a natural extension of what we are doing already.  We know the way already, we just need to drive faster and take some passengers with us.  We shouldn’t need to be traumatized to connect to the needs of others.

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Friends Don’t Let Friends Play Sports With a Concussion

January 17th, 2010

This play on a famous slogan seems like common sense to many. Unfortunately, until recently, kids have been allowed to continue and are sometimes even encouraged to continue playing after being injured. Some people say it creates courage, persistence, determination, toughness, success, commitment to team, etc. But this mentality and consequently allowing kids back into play too soon is extremely dangerous!

This week one of my sons suffered a significant concussion and facial injuries at a sporting practice. We went to the ER and had further evaluation during the week. What I found is that not everyone in the community is aware of the impact of concussions and especially ‘second impact syndrome’. Second impact syndrome occurs when a person gets a concussion before fully healing from the last one. This can be deadly as the brain is more vulnerable. (A recent example) This also leads to a longer recovery time and a higher risk of long term consequences.

I also found that the research & science around concussions in kids is exploding and more serious than previously thought. For example, it is not uncommon to have difficulty in school performance a month after the other symptoms from a concussion have disappeared.

There is a new law becoming the standard of care in the State of Washington for youth concussions – the Zack Lystedt Law (see video). One of the primary concerns with concussions is a players desire to return to play and a downplay of symptoms. It is important we all know the signs of concussions so we can help keep our kids safe. We also need to create a culture of speaking up for safety, even if it is not popular or against peer pressure. We can model it for our kids and have conversations with them about the consequences. We owe it to one another.

A child’s life or wellbeing is ALWAYS more important than a game. That is true sportsmanship!

Please review the symptom sheets from the :
Washington Intercollegiate Athletic Association and the CDC
Seattle Sports Concussion Program and UW/Harborview and Seattle Children’s

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Happiness & Obesity

January 10th, 2010

We all know that happiness has a ripple effect. But according to recent research, not in the way we usually think.

The well known Framingham Heart Study, although initially looking at heart disease over time, is uncovering some unexpected findings. What they found is that happiness spreads dynamically – meaning we don’t just attract happy people, but we spread happiness like… well… like an infection. Infectious happiness.

They found that if one person is happy, it affects not just that person’s friend, but it spreads to three degrees of separation meaning their friends, friend’s friend. And it goes on from there, but just like a ripple, it gets weaker in its effect the further out it goes. Not everyone in the chain needs to know each other. It could be a neighbor, a friend, a relative. Longitudinal studies (studies over years) shows that clusters of happiness develop, which show that an infusion of happiness is what has the effect, not that people just associate with other happy people. They also found the effect goes away over time unless the happiness bug gets reintroduced.

Interestingly, they found that obesity also spreads in this same kind of way. Where does obesity fit in? The same researchers saw that obesity had similar patterns of separation. There were some relationships that were affected differently, but the point is – it is clearly demonstrated we are all interconnected on levels deeper than we can see or are conscious of. Both on emotional/mental and physical levels.

It is not a big leap to suggest and believe that this dynamic process of far-reaching ripples, of whatever we do and how we are in the world, affects everything, not just happiness or obesity. We all have an effect and are responsible for one another’s well-being in a very deep and intimate way. We are truly a global collective.

So, it is a good time to reflect and help create the world you want to see – you have the power in you every moment of every day.

Mahatma Gandhi once said: “I believe in the essential unity of all people and for that matter of all lives. Therefore, I believe that if one person gains spiritually, the whole world gains, and if one person falls, the whole world falls to that extent”

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“Hate” is a four letter word… at least in my house!

January 4th, 2010


Words are powerful. Ask my kids about our house rules on words. It is actually a pretty long list. We do not believe in censorship, but we do believe that words are powerful and some words can have an insidious negative effect…one that you see later – like seeds that, only when they grow, do you see the full bloom.

Hate is one of those words. It is everywhere. It is so ubiquitous we don’t pay much attention to it. Except in my house. We jolt when we hear it. For us, hate is a four-letter word and something that we do not want in our lives. By definition hate is “intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury / a feeling of dislike so strong that it demands action”. Even if you don’t use the word in that way, it is still being used and has that energy.

We feel that a ‘hate crime’ is a special kind of crime – it comes from an emotion – hate – that allows the better part of ourselves to be overridden. It is not the same emotion alluded to when we say “we hate vegetables”, which we may really dislike or even detest. We have laws about hate – crimes, but very little clarity about what that really means.

Does hate have a place in your home? What is that place? By watering down the word ‘hate’ we have less opportunity to really discuss what it is, and therefore, less language to combat it. It leaves no room for compassion, tolerance, mercy, forgiveness or peace.
What kind of change would you see in your surroundings if you removed the word ‘hate’ from your vocabulary? Try it and see how your view changes.

“Like an unchecked cancer, hate corrodes the personality and eats away its vital unity. Hate destroys a man’s sense of values and his objectivity.”
– Martin Luther King, Jr.

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